Make Your Own Path

Wow these topics are very ‘Inspirational’ aren’t they? Make your own path…hmmm. Well today I will focus on my beautiful daughter and her desire to make her own path. It would be good if the path she forged was not so difficult, but it is the way she wants to go.

Yesterday she woke up sad. Right from the moment she opened her eyes, she said “Mum today I just feel sad”. There was no reason, she just felt sad. And then when doing homework at Grandma’s there were buckets of tears – one minute she was chatting away the next inconsolable. Between you, me and the gatepost I am sure that Grandma thinks that there is something going ‘on’ but there just isn’t.

When she got home from guides I asked her about the tears and it turned out it was all about spelling – she spelled gracious wrong. Bee only went up to ‘rainbow’ level last week and she is adamant that she does not want to get one word wrong. I explained that she is supposed to – that’s why she does her spelling words every night so she can make mistakes and then fix them. But she says that she shouldn’t be making mistakes in the first place.

To put it simply – she wants, more than anything else right now, to be the smartest kid in her class. She wants to stand out and be admired and she wants to do it for being smart. Now, if I am perfectly honest with myself, if my kid was going to be a standout I would love it if it was because she was smart but I am also well aware that she is not the smartest kid in the class. And all she is doing is beating herself up over something that is just not going to happen.

So my 9 year old’s path is fraught with pain. I wonder sometimes where the happy go lucky friendly child has gone and why the emotional, angst ridden, so-hard-on-herself drama queen is living in her skin. I do fret about the changes, but then I remember being her age and being a complete diva myself and I know she is not doing anything worse than I did – but that she does in a way embody both the best and worst of her mother and father.

You see, I was always the drama queen – I wanted to be the centre of attention and I demanded everything of my mother. I threw tantrums, I threatened to run away and whilst at school I was sweetness and light, at home I was a moody, snappy, hideous child – and all before the age of 10. And Kelvin is a perfectionist; a control freak who when he is stressed needs things to be perfect. As a child he demonstrated some OCD tendencies and he has always applied himself with single minded devotion to achieving a goal. Now mix those two personalities and it’s a wonder the 9 year old isn’t on medication!

My daughter is in the process of making her own path – of moving off the road that we, as parents, set her on and to finding her own groove. As a parent, it is a hard thing to watch and I just know that there are going to be many many times in the future when I will have sleepless nights worrying about the challenges that she faces. And yes, I worry about her right now and I feel helpless when faced with her frustration and anger and I wonder what we need to do to help her through – but she is a glorious being and she shines like the brightest star in my world. Would I change her if I could? No, but I do wish for her sake, that she learns to take it easier on herself.